Christmas, genocide, and depression

This may be a hard read for some of you.

I’ve always felt sentimental around the holidays. Maybe it’s because it’s the longing for when I was a kid before my parents divorced and the magical feeling of family and not knowing reality, maybe it’s the hope and wish for what Christian’s say it’s about - peace on earth and goodwill to men - or maybe it’s both. The last few years it’s been such a struggle from having so many friends move away or lose touch, to my parents not being around on the holiday, to seeing the grim reality of fascism creep in to normality. This year is no different. If anything it’s a bigger, harder struggle… for many reasons. Loneliness, seeing our country fund and aid in genocide, unabashed fascism become so normal.. the list goes on. I struggle with the point of going to work and pretending things are ok. I struggle with normal because none of this is normal. This isn’t seasonal depression - our world is depressed. Our reality is depressed. I was watching The Hobbit recently and this quote made me weep.

“I found it’s the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay…small acts of kindness and love”

I want so much for that to be true. For it to be true, there has to be a certain amount of introspection and humility. Self reflection. Am I really showing kindness and love? The unfortunate reality is that for a great amount of people in our country that is not true. A certain political party has no real platform other than restricting the rights of others. It’s truly a shame.

Besides my own personal life things, all of the horrible things happening in this world is proving to be too much. So what can I do? Where’s the hope? What I can do is show up for my daughter, my family, and friends. I can try and make it magical for my daughter. I can reflect on my own heart and interactions with people. Reflect before react.